just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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