is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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