We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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