so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
