My room smells like vodka and shame
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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