Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
