is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
