Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
