sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
