Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I cut my penus on the lid.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
