I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
