I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
