oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
