My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
