if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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