Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
