we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
