I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
