Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
