he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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