just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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