Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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