Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
