Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
