I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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