are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
