God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
These tits shall not be calmed
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
