On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize