I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
