So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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