Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
