I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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