I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
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Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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