just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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