I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him