i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
