At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.