just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.