New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can't turn off my feet"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.