somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"