I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
ttyl tear gas
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.