it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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