fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
