I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
