I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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