I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
