Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He did a backflip because drugs
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