if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
