I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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