That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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