I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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