and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
