I just threw up on my dentist
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
