Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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