Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
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I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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I feel like a drive thru vagina
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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