So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
