We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Randomize
