in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
