sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
