You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I will pee on everything he values.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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