Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
