I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
