I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
