I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When are your genitals available?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
