she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Bring me that man meat
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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