need another drink. this is the easiest way
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
