i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
