I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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