I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
