so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
