So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
