my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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