my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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