we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
