Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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