im drinking this country out of the recession.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
