If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
