The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
