Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
