I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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