i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
