Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize