I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
